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Thursday, 31 January 2008
For My Daughter
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: family





Today is Oldest Daughter's 26th birthday!  So thought I'd share . . .

You came into this world after 19 hours of labor!  19 hours that I wondered just what sort of mother I would be.  But the worry turned to pure joy the moment you emerged into the world & they placed you in my arms. What a perfect baby!  Your head really didn't have that "cone" shape most babies have.  You really weren't all that "messy" from your trip to the real world.  You were pink & beautiful! Unfortunatly, because was dr. was such an a**, they wouldn't let me feed you immediately or hold you very long & they put you in this cold, metal incubator & said I had to wait 8 hours to feed you.  I have thought over these past 26 years how much I wanted to hunt that stupid dr. down & give her (yes, this is what turned me off of women drs) a piece of my mind (& maybe a bit more!).  How my arms ached to hold you during those 8 hours (at least 5 hours later they finally let me give you water & hold you for just a short period of time), to nourish you as a mother is intended, to bond with you in those first important hours of life, to place angel kisses on your perfect cheeks, and to warm you with love.  Even now, 26 years later, I want to reach back into time and have the opportunity to do it all ok.  Maybe so many things would have turned out differently. 

I watch your baby sister's birthday video and see you, a child on the verge of pre-teen-hood.  What I see is a little girl desperately wanting someone to put their arms around you all the time and tell you how special you are. I didn't do that often enough (though it wasn't just you - as there weren't enough hours in the day or enough arms to hold 4 wonderful children).  I cry for the missed chances to praise you, to tell you what a joyful miracle your birth was to me, to shower you with kisses and love. 

It took me awhile to figure this whole strange thing called motherhood.  Some things, too me longer!  But the love - oh, the love - was there from the moment you were conceived.  For so long all I ever wanted was to be a mom.  And YOU were the one who made that happen.  For those who came after you, didn't get to do that for me. ONLY YOU! 

Each of you kids have special, unique, and really neat qualities.  And I know sometimes each of you thought there was favoritism toward one of the other.  Every child on earth (who is not an only) thinks their parents do more for the others.  That's just a part of growing up.  You are my firstborn and yes, as it so happens, a part of parenthood is the ideals that flash through your mind when you discover a child is on the way.  What they will become.  What they will be like.  And on & on.  And it takes awhile - but parents have to accept the fact that their child will never be what they want them to be.  Because they are their own person.  You are who you are.  A beautiful woman with your own goals, hopes, joys and sorrows.  A mother wants to take away any pain and sorrow - but we can't - no matter how hard we try.  The ups & downs of life make us into the people we become - gives us the character we need and the strength to forge through life when rocks are being thrown. 

I miss you because you are so far away.  But I rejoice with you that you have found your niche in life.  That you are making your life - your own.  Not one that I "got" for you or one that other's got for you. But through your own choices & decisions.  You seem truly at peace and happy at this time in your life. 

Just know, my daughter, I love you - through all the ups and downs.  You are my firstborn.  You brought to me a perfect joy on this day 26 years ago.  Thank you.

I love you,

Your Mom

Posted by wendylittrell at 8:01 AM CST
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